My beloved dog, Zoe, who is 15, has cancer. She undergoes chemotherapy twice a week and also acupuncture sessions to lessen her suffering. Zoe isn’t just a pet, she’s family, and she comes with me everywhere. No matter how much I have tried to prepare myself for the inevitable, I know the eventual final goodbye will be devastating, leaving a hole in my heart that will be nearly impossible to fill. My goal is to make the remaining time Zoe, and I have together as pain-free and joyous as possible. I’m fortunate to have a close network of family and friends around to help me with the logistics of caring for Zoe while she is in poor health. My social network has seen me through many difficult moments during this process to count.
Unfortunately, many pets live in less-than-ideal circumstances for receiving care during an illness. This can be especially difficult in the case of divorced couples, who may have little to say to one another yet have nonetheless agreed to care for their pet together. “Pet prenups” are on the rise, with Fortune reporting that over a quarter of all pet parents have in place a care plan should the marriage not work out. In Florida, where I live and practice, pets are considered “property” under the law, meaning that the process of dividing up marital assets also applies to shared animals as well. In an ideal world, pet parents would agree on shared custody and splitting the financial needs of caring for a pet—similarly for shared children. Just like children, pets cannot choose where they live, so it is important to make their living situation as positive as possible.
I know firsthand that such arrangements are feasible. In fact, my home sits between two friends who are divorced from one another. Their children walk from one house to the other, and both households split pet-caring responsibilities. Although this family now lives in a separated arrangement, the love that they clearly still demonstrate for their four-legged family members proves that, no matter how bad a separation or divorce might be, putting the well-being of the kids and the pets over any potential hurt feelings as the result of the separation is indeed possible. Your pet will also be grateful, in their own unique way, for this ongoing continuity of love and care in their name.
Sadly, amicable situations such as that of my neighbors may not be possible, especially if the split was the result of infidelity, stealing, or something else that may make one of the ex-partners no longer trust the other. But what about Fido or Whiskers? Thankfully, some states are working to ensure that pet custody-sharing arrangements are equitable, but any verbal or written agreements on pet care can quickly become contentious when it comes to the rather expensive issue of which ex-partner pays for end-of-life care for your pet. Mediation with a neutral third party may be the answer to hammering out a shared care agreement for your pets during divorce proceedings. How to humanely deal with the pet’s suffering as the end approaches is critical—and it should be set out well ahead of time when your pet is still spry and able to nip at your heels and excitedly chase their favorite toy. As the pet’s health declines, “people’s emotions” will run higher, and that could lead to making rash decisions about the pet’s care.
Agreements regarding pet care should touch upon not only the financial aspects of who will pay for what but also how much time each party will give to its care—particularly if there are children involved who see the pets as members of the family. The agreement should spell out how to handle any potential disagreements that may arise in the course of pet care, as well as how those disputes will be resolved. Again, a neutral third party is important to ensure that the pet’s best interests are foremost in the accord. And if one party falls behind on their obligations under the agreement, legal enforcement might commence.
If your pet does get cancer, amid your shock, anger, and feeling of hopelessness—all of which are entirely natural—you must ensure that your beloved four-legged friend will be cared for and loved in the time you have together. Sadly, our pets will get old if we’re lucky to have them around for that long, and age-related illnesses multiply with time, just as they do for humans. So regardless of how you feel about your ex-partner—whether you are divorced or separated—it is crucial to keep the care regimen for your pet in place even if you two are no longer cohabitating.
It’s not easy, and certainly not desirable, to consider that day when your pet will leave us behind. I have been pre-grieving Zoe’s absence for some time now but knowing that my family and I have a plan in place to make her final chapter with us as pain-free and comfortable as possible has provided us with some semblance of peace.
Rebecca L. Palmer, Esq. is a Family & Marital Law attorney practicing in Orlando, FL. She may be reached at rebecca@rlplawgroup.com.
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